My Single Life or the Olivia Pope theory

freedom beyond these bars

There was something in me that told me maybe I should apologize for my last post as it was one or two sentences. The title was longer than the post (Lol). I decided against it because when I tried to write more I just erased it. It is a perfect post and I’m at a point right now where in every instance in my life I need to bleed my own true existence and that means I need to do everything that is “me” immediately. I’m working on being okay with who I am as a person

                Before moving to California and especially after living in Atlanta and New Orleans, I was very sure that I knew who I was. I didn’t know what my purpose was but knowing that I had a purpose to one day fulfill gave me confidence in who I was. When I got here with all my confidence and charm, slowly but surely, the person I thought I knew I was was slowly breaking down and disappearing. I left some things back in the south and it wasn’t just a storage full of memories and furniture. I left a world that I had known all my life, 20 something years was all I knew. I left chunks of myself there as well. So much so that people don’t even recognize my voice on the phone anymore. People I’ve talked to almost every day of my life. My own brother, who I grow up with, told me when he saw me that I look different, his actual statement was “Who are you, you don’t look like my brother”. That’s because I’m different from who I used to be, and I’m glad. Changing your life is not easy when there is no road map. (Speaking of change click here => Change: The Mad Scientist Effect Part 1 of 3 Mental Marauders)

                When I was in the South even though I accepted myself and accepted who I thought I was, others were not very receptive of whom I was. A question from an inquiring candidate (someone who was interested in me) really got me thinking about some things. The question she asked me was “Why are you single?” I’m pretty honest and I wanted to answer it honestly. She asked because she saw everything that I do and how I present myself, being goal ordinated and basically awesome (Not by my own admittance) she really wanted to know why no one has snatched me up yet. I gave her a satisficing answer but that didn’t stop me from thinking more about the question and it didn’t stop her from asking more questions. Another question asked was;  “How long have you been single?” my response was “Sheesh, It’s been a long time… (Pause for thinking)… like 6 years or something like that”. Way too long. There have been some interesting prospects but none were for me. The last person I was seriously interested in wanted me to wait and wait and wait until they were ready for a relationship. I feel like I put a lot in to whatever we were but at the end of the day I wasn’t getting enough out of it, even from a friendship’s point of view. I’m picky with the people around me, because I have to maintain a certain sanity in my life and sometimes I need not to be emerged in someone else’s bull shit. The reality was she just wasn’t that in to me and I’m cool with that. I’m a fan of keeping it real and not wasting time, which means if you’re not feeling me, move on and make some room in your life for the right person to fill that space instead of having Shaun Lamar temporarily in that spot thinking its permanent. That is just a thought. (I sound a little bitter huh, well maybe I am… lol) So the truth is I’m tired of being single. I’m at the point where I don’t even know how I act in a relationship because it’s been forever. I’m afraid that I may have become awkward. I have literary given up in the pursuit of a significant other. It’s tiring and the people I’ve been meeting just aren’t that great. There is no one even close to being Ms. D for Dramatic. If I talk to you and you think that we are something other than what we are this is in fact a wake up call. I’m a team of one right now and to tell you the truth that is exactly how it is going to be until someone shows me that they sincerely want to be a part of my world, maybe the center of it. Meanwhile I’m just going to work on myself and the different projects that I have lined up. People are always realizing, after being involved with me, that they love someone else so I always have house warming’s, weddings, and baby showers to go to. That’s just a little dark humor for you, even though it’s basically true and sad. The reality is I still have some changing to do before my life is ready to honestly support another person in it.

Hearts to Follow or Path of the Righteous

Following hearts on these highways <3

At every given point in my life i'm 3 days from leaving everything and changing my life denying the moments in the direction I was going. Sometimes the need to follow my heart is stronger than the need to follow the program or "The Right" path as some would say.

My life in CaliforYeah or Reorganized Noise

Port of San Francisco

                First off I would like to give a shout out to my home town, Montgomery Alabama, I wasn’t born there but I was raised in the south and I feel we should never forget where we came from, having said that, I feel it’s getting real hard to connect with a place I used to know, maybe it’s because I’m so far away, but to tell you the truth it’s hard for me to connect with my old self, the person who I knew I knew  I was, the person I used to be.

I can’t remember a time, while in Alabama, that I said “Boy do I love this place”. Besides having love for and having spirit for my high school and side of town I was from (Lee High School!!! EastsidE!!!!) I didn’t have much spirit or much love for Alabama.* I had a lot of love for the South but after living in some of the very best cities in 4 southern states I realized I didn’t like the South very much as I thought. I was ready to get out of the South and start a new life or just start my life in general

I’m an artist, I need an artist friendly city to live in. a city that wants to live it’s culture and breathe it’s residences. I came to California to live my life. I had no idea what was here I just was sick of my life in the Heart of Dixie and my life beneath the Mason Dixon line wasn’t getting any better. The spiral down was something to watch. I decided to change it. Freeing myself of my fears and all the things holding me back, which was myself. I had a habit of running to my comfort zone instead of trying to climb over walls and figure out ways around the bull shit that are the opportunities in the South. That comfort zone consists of hatred, jealousy, anger, suspicion, family, Alabama, negative criticism, insecurities, and self-doubt. Any time it would get hot in the kitchen I would run back to my comfort zone that I tried so hard to maintain.

My friend praying on the Bay

During this experience I’m learning a lot about myself and the world. I’m seeing that someone like me, with a head on his shoulders, has a responsibility to discover a better or a new way of living. We as a people should figure out where we are going wrong and fix it. Just like you as a human being work on yourself to become a better person, we should all work on creating a better environment and world for all of us. No matter the race, nationality or sex. We all want and search for the same things, we should just learn how to embrace each other and find what it is we’re seeking together. Two heads are better than one right? There is a world outside of the color of your skin and every day I live it. I love it. My perception of this world is exactly how my world is and so is yours. I stopped focusing on things that used to bother me and drive me nuts. Now it’s hard to even see those things exist. Not to say that my life is perfect and I shouldn’t work on myself. It’s not perfect and every day I continue to work on myself, my life, and the world around me. We can all act blind and try to ignore what is going on but don’t you want to make your life better and get into a position where you can possibly make someone else life better as well? It doesn’t take much to spread a little love every day, most people like smiles, Me on the other hand, I LOVE SMILES!!! Won’t be many time you see me without one on my face. The next time you are all flustered and upset about anything, take a minute to breathe and put a smile on your face and I promise you won’t be upset anymore, and if you are you will feel really silly with a bad attitude and a smile on your face.

I truly enjoy my life in California. Every day I do exactly what I want to do. Which is mostly exploring the city. One day my friend and I found a cave, it was pretty cool. I’ll make this statement today but don’t quote me on it; San Francisco is my home, I think it will be for the rest of my life. Now saying that I haven’t finished traveling yet nor have I lived in all the places I want to live in. I think my next destination will be Rome. Why Rome? Well I don’t know I just do what I feel. Will I live in Rome or just visit? Who knows? I have whole continents to explore and experience. I’m finding out what freedom really is and how much I used to limit myself and my experiences by making definite statement about things. That goes for everything in my life not just the things I think suck, even things I really enjoy.

My favorite time of the day in one of my secret spot

While I’m here in San Francisco I have somewhat of a plan, it’s more of a destination, but none the less it’s an achievable believable goal. So every day I’ll continue to work towards it and continue to grow my brands and have lots of fun while I’m at it. Also there will be temporary hold on all edited photos because I lost the phone that I used to do all that graphic design stuff on, so yeah if someone would like to donate an android tablet I would greatly appreciate, it can be the cheapest, I just need anything to work on. J

*I have a lot of love for southern FOOTBALL though #TeamWAREAGLE #TeamSEC

Pier Nonsense or Dated Up

In the BAY chilling

I’m sitting on the Pier, just thinking and I start to think about relationships and the whole concept of the forbidden fruit, you know wanting what you can’t have. I thought really hard about it and decided to pull out my laptop and write. The concept it’s self is simple; people want what they can’t have. My question is why? And since we’ve come to the realization that people do seem to want what is outta of reach, why haven’t we, as a human race, put a stop to it. I mean wanting what you can’t have is where a lot of problems start. From wanting other people to wanting land or other’s country. I guess you can relate it to people thinking that the grass is always greener on the other side, and you always miss what you don’t have anymore. Why haven’t we figured out a resolution to these saying that have been passed down from decades, centuries, who really knows how long? I mean can we figure out a way to know when we are thinking in this manner? Can we appreciate what we have before it’s too late? Or how about knowing what makes the grass so green on the other side. I know we all have our journeys to go on, and we have all these experiences to learn from but it’s it time to find some new ways of living? I mean obviously we have been living in this sort of manner for a long time for there to be parables, myth, fairy tales, tale tales, and legends about them. Some are even written in Egyptian stone. That’s a long time to be living a certain way. What’s the benefit of the thought? Or rather the action because thoughts are just the beginning, the actual action going toward the direction of these experiences is where the problem lies.

I wasn’t going to just post a blog and act like I’ve been posting all along. Here’s a little explaining:

I figure I should make a decision about all this work I need to either get done or are actually in the process of getting done. I may be changing the name of this blog and or just shutting this blog down all together and focus more on the mental marauders blog. This blog was never really part of the branding it was just something I was doing that lasted a long time. It’s really the beginning of what I’ve always wanted to do and what I’m going to do. I have to figure out some things. Meanwhile mental marauders will be getting a much needed boost. A website will be coming so it will be easier to reach all of the aspect of D for Dramatic. Thank you for the patients and encouragement and continued support. There will be more

That D is Just so DRAMATIC!!!

Greeting people, I guess I should tell people what is going on. A lot of ya’ll have been in the dark and the people that know somethings only know a little bit. I guess if I died today than all this information that I’m holding on to would die with it so let me expose myself and what I’m doing and what will come in the future for Shaun Lamar and D for Dramatic.

About 3 weeks ago I was depressed and I really hated my life because it was going nowhere fast. I thank my friends for helping me keep my head up and try keep a positive attitude. I had an idea to move to California since I moved back to Montgomery from New Orleans. It was so far-fetched to me and in my mind of timelines; it was at least a year out. I’m not going to tell the story today of how I got to San Francisco from Montgomery, leaving with only $50 in gas money and a prayer that maybe we’ll get there. Soon there will be a blog or maybe a book or something that I will write for you guys to check out. That project is still in the idea stage as of right now, plus I’m still getting situated here.  My hope is to inspire you guys out there to live your dreams, follow your institution, and truly live life how we all were all meant to. If there was ever one person that found happiness in life than why can’t it be you as well? Nobody is too far gone. So what will I be doing in San Francisco? That’s the question the police asked us when we got stopped in Arizona, “Live” is the answer I gave, and it’s the answer I’m giving you as well. Because sides my smart ass answer, D for Dramatic is what I’m about, soon you all will be able to have some of my art in your house, on shirts, hats, bracelets, all kinds of stuff. More writings and more pictures, videos, art, music, and more poetry. Eventually I will open an art gallery that may host poetry nights and stuff like that. Do ya’ll like wine and cheese? We can eat cheese and sip on wine and talk about past lives and share love stories, or watch comedy or listen to spoken word, I don’t know what ya’ll are going to want to do, but we’ll be able to do it. So that’s basically the direction I’m headed in and that’s basically what D for Dramatic is. I thank all of you for supporting me and my endeavors even when you had no idea what they were. Together we can change the world by loving and supporting good things that promote positive ideas and love above all. So I’ll keep everyone posted and expect more awesome things, I love you… oh and I don’t hate my life anymore… it rocks!!


ya'll go over to http://mentalmarauders.blogspot.com/ and check out what we have over there

Never Made Love

Once upon a time I was walking home listening to my ipod, probably bopping to my “COOL OUT-ter space vibe” playlist which consist of artist like India Irie, Jill Scott, Mos Def, Common, Outkast, Kanye,  The Roots, de la soul, and a few others. I don’t remember what song was playing but whatever it was it made me think of all the people I’ve slept with. The quote was “I’ve never made love” and I know what you’re thinking, “That’s that song Bad by Wale and Terria Thomas”, this is true, they do say that in that song but this wasn’t the song I was listening to.  However it did make me think of that song and how all of a sudden people went from getting good dick on the regular to never have been made love. The whole concept is laughable to me because I never believe someone who talks a lot when they are trying to defend how much they love their life. Happily (I use that word loosely) married women are saying they never made love… Awkward  much? Much. So it got those wheels in my head turning and thinking about all the people I’ve had sex with and quickly my head broke down the concept of making love verses just having sex. I guess if I could dumb it down (and I did for this thought) I’d say that making love is having sex with someone you love. In my life I’ve been in love twice that I know for sure of. I’ve had sex with more than two people so I know I’ve had sex without being in love before. so the question is have I ever made love? I thought getting to this point it might be easy, but the two people I was in love with were not the people I had sex with… oops. Which got me thinking “damn I’ve never had sex with someone I was in love with… hmmm…” I kind of shocked myself as I went through my head of names and sexual encounters. It hasn’t been that many so it wasn’t as hard as some of the rest of you. I don’t judge so continue on with your count. By average standards I guess you can say I’m a prude. I’m not knocking down as many as the rest of you. I take pride in having a low number, I like to think I have value and everyone knows rarity makes the price go up. So I’m not out there “banging sluts” and “taking hoes down through there” as some of my brothers would phrase it. I’d like to think I was rather selective and one day when I do meet my wife I can truly give her the gift of me pleasuring her until the stars and moon fall from the sky, cause I can do stuff like that, not to brag or nothing but I’m certified. Okay let me stop.  This was actually on my mind for a couple of days so I decided to write about it. Maybe you got something from it, I personally think it’s kind of sad that I’ve never made love but I sure know how to… okay I’m done for real this time.

Untitled Thoughts I

                

In this world of confusion and understanding we go through life trying to figure out a purpose to life and maybe even just a point behind it. The big question: why do we exist? I think the bigger question is how we exist. I think we can all come to a conclusion that we do in fact exist and maybe we’ve come to a conclusion that maybe there is something more than us or greater than us that we come from (God, the source, the universe, Allah, Buddha, Krishna, the One ). If you do any research on any religion, ancient civilization, ancient beliefs, the human body, psychology, quantum physics, or whatever you will find that the human existence is not who we are. You’ll find out that we are a spirit in a human body having a human experience and if you do some further research you may find that a Soul/Spirit itself is in fact eternal, which is something that we, thinking and experiencing physical life, cannot even previse of because everything that we know has an expiration date, even these physical bodies. If we can’t be 100% certain on anything in this physical life we can be certain about these two facts, 1. We exist, and 2. We will die. There are a bunch of great answers floating around to age old questions like where do we go when we die and what is spirit. If you really do some research you may find that we have past lives and that we float in a pool of energy and we attract everything into our lives. If you do some more research you might find out that at every giving time you are in fact perfect. You might run into the golden number ratio, the Fibonacci spiral, astral projection, channeling, spirit guides, your higher self, the id, the ego, and the superego, future lives, parallel universes, the perfection of the spirit, the 4 agreements, chakras, merkabahs, movements, philosophies, wormholes, the real history of humans, even aliens, oh the list goes on and on. They don’t have this information in one particular class all these are subjects that come from that question; why do we exist? Pounds and pounds of evidence to support these theories and concepts, If you ever decide that you want to write about life and how it is, you’d better be prepared to write in pencil because the information that is out there will change your life and it will lead you something else you didn’t know that may even contradict what you once thought to be the absolute truth. How about the hollow earth theory where it’s said that another race of human being living in our core which has its on sun, or the theory that the moon is a satellite and was placed there. It’s always good to keep an open mind and not to dismiss something immediately when you hear it because once upon a time that way of thinking dismissed the world being round, even though ancient civilizations left us road maps about the earth and the heavens. There’s a book out there that gives a road map and explains the 5^th dimension which is what our conscience is shifting to, our next stage on the evolutional ladder. Don’t take my word for it you should do your own research. I can talk until I’m blue in the face (and if you let me, I will… lol) but at the end of the day what I know doesn’t help you much. We may be a part of the oneness but we all are a part of our own conciseness as well as the collective. If you think about it too much you’ll get confused it’s not hard it’s really simple.  Turns out, life is as simple as breathing, when we think about breathing we fuck it up… everything. Like I was telling my new buddy this morning, “Life is happening and it is gonna happen, we just need to ride with it”. Peace my brothers and sisters we are love, Namaste’