Music Makes Me Lose Control

Music is my passion. What can I say I love music. I always have. It speaks to me on a different level. In the past music was the only thing that was constant in my life. It cared when I thought nobody else did. I've had girls get jealous because of my relationship with music. I've been criticized and ridiculed because of my taste in music which is pretty much anything with the exception of maybe country... just not my cup of tea. And I'm sure there are country songs that I’d enjoy but I’d never give them a chance. I'm just not in to country, what can I say.

In most of my music love is a recurring theme. So you have all kinds of topics on love. Being in love, finding love, love lost, good love, bad love. Love for family and parents, friends and etc. The topic I want to discuss today is about love lost. I hear a lot of great songs about people messing up. And how they wished they never lost or cheated on so & so. You know this fake character who seems to be perfect in her or his existence. I love hearing these songs because the only thing better than being in love, is realizing that you are in love and that you don't ever want to be without this person. As I listen to music, and people in general, I try and relate as much as possible to my life. Because I think that experience is the best advice regardless of where it comes from. In all my relations with music one thing I can not relate to is losing someone to cheating lying or just not wanting to be in a relationship. I've met a lot of girls and I've been in real relationships with a lot of girls too. But that has never been my experience. I've been mislead and treated badly (mostly by the same person...lol) lied to, and maybe even cheated on. Who knows? But I can honestly say that I have never lost someone because of wrong doing on my part. I don't know what that says about me. But there it is. I'm putting it out there.

In conclusion I just want to say that I'm really looking forward to my next love encounter. Whoever it may be and where ever it may come from. I have a lot of love to give and I've been giving it to the world. But now I'm really ready to give it to just one person so we can share our love with the world. I know that sounds corny as hell and not most guys are gonna say what I just said but there it is... so no you gotta deal with it :)

Common M*ther F*cking Courtesy

You know what courtesy goes a long way. I feel like this is a mute point. But I seem to have this conversation with people more and more these days. I mean how am I ,"Mr. Inappropriate", Mr. "Oh my bad you weren't talking to me", Mr. "I don't give a damn where we at", going to have anything to say about being mind full of people and the value of their time... common fucking courtesy. No wait I'm not mad, I'm not mad. I'm just frustrated that this is something that we as a society consider common, but it doesn't seem to be very common. I guess we can file that in the same file as sense which never seems to common even though the name "common sense" hints otherwise.

And now its time to go "In" on this word or action or otherwise less of action. Common courtesy.

I don't have a problem with the actually word. I feel that by placing the word common in front of another word it is meant to be a "hope" or "wish" instead of a fact as in this word is common. More of an expectation as in this should be known of all mankind. Because words like knowledge, sense, and courtesy do actually lack commonality among the people it refers to.

My problem is with people who claim to be this and that. Who claim to want this and that contradict the shit out of themselves when something is right before them that is so simple and they make it so hard for themselves and other people.

Common courtesy... calling someone to say hey I'm gonna be a little late. Common courtesy... saying hey I'm just not really feeling you I think we should just move on. Its respectful... hell is self respectful. It’s letting someone not waste their time on trivial shit. I mean come on. Don't you think and consider that your time is valuable? So why wouldn't that next persons time be? You selfish mother fucker. Grow the fuck up. No really. Stop being that stupid person... matter of fact don't stop being that person just kill yourself. And I know it’s not funny to joke about suicide but there are too many people on this planet and the majority of them hate their lives so they make other peoples live miserable. And if they killed themselves not only will they be taking themselves out of a world they don't like but they will be making the person’s life that they were making miserable so so so much better. And that's 2 for one. Win/win situation.

But in all seriousness what's wrong with just talking to people and letting them know hey this is not cool. Or I didn't appreciate the way you handled this situation. Instead people get on these social network sites and just blast people "in plain sight but all behind their backs" about shit that doesn't need to be out in the open. I'm saying something because I know I've done it. But when does it stop. I mean me myself, I claim to be this person that sincerely cares about the common man (their goes that word again... whatever common man is...lol) and there well being. But I have gone to twitter and facebook to address an issue that has nothing to do with the media that I’m professing it on. It’s only because I don't really respect you. And that is horrible. I'm going to stop. And if you do it you should too. It's become irrelevant and tacky. Almost as bad as negative updates about your stupid life

All I'm saying is let think about the things we put out into the atmosphere. Let become better people because if we continue to say things like “people just don't care anymore”. Or” people just aren't real these days” and we're not looking to ourselves for that first step in change. Then why should we expect other to be making an effort to change. I mean I'm with you "Fuck the world don't ask me for shit" but we need each other, and we need to show each other love. Let's support and respect and love each other for real instead of talking about it. And that's really all I wanted to say. I know I will be working on myself in the future to become a better person as I always have in the past.

Karma the Eternal Payback

You know one of the things that used to satisfy me? That your gonna get what's coming to you. I've always lived my life by the golden rule for the most part. You know "Do on to others as you want them to do unto you". So I would treat people with respect and be nice for the most part. I have to keep saying “For the most part” because I know how and have be a real dick in the past. But none the less I'll say overall I treated people pretty fairly.

I've never really been a person for revenge. For the most part I would just turn the other cheek because I know that there was a god and even if you didn't get pay back in this life. There's an eternal life that lasts for eternity and before you get there you will have to stand in front of the ultimate judge and be held responsible for the things you did in your life. Yes that was my revenge. I took comfort in knowing that one day you will die being an asshole and god will see it and punish you with the swift hammer of justice banishing you to an eternal damnation in the lake of fire... Yes!!! Justice will be severed… you got served…

However... in my current state. god and everything I thought I knew about life in the since of good and evil and the afterlife has made what I previously stated to be somewhat of a myth. Not saying that I don't believe in god. But at this point in my life I'm just not that sure. The concept of religion seems like propaganda to me. You know don't eat meat, woman be submissive to man and etc. But this is not about what I think about god. This is about revenge. The ultimate justice.

If you don't believe that people reap what they sew then where does that put you in the scheme of things when it comes to payback for getting screwed over. If there's no such thing as good and evil. Then even if you kill someone and go to jail on earth in the next life it will go unpunished. And that's what matters right? The afterlife... I mean in all seriousness fuck this life. The afterlife is what all religions, philosophers, poets, physics and etc. Talk about as being the important thing. I mean its eternity... it last beyond forever. But who really knows right?

All I'm saying is how do you handle situations when you don't believe that justice is being served. I mean even without a belief system you generally try to be a good person and still treat people in a manner that allows them to think positive of you. We all have morals in us that are just there from birth. But when people keep stabbing you in the back and double crossing you where and when does it end? I mean what do you do? The name of the game is survival and that's what it's always been about. Living... so that is my thoughts about karma, revenge, and justice as in payback...

Life in my Belly

So... I just finished watching "Belly" the movie. I've seen it a bunch of times but I don't think I've seen it in about 3 or 4 years. I used to enjoy watching it along with other movies like "Menace To Society". I've gotten away from a lot of those types of movies because when you put a certain type of energy in your life your life tends to follow the same pattern. And over all “Menace to Society” was a very negative movie. Just about everybody in the movie died at the end. Not to say it’s not one of my favorite movies but I could see my life going in a direction that was not flattering for my survival.

Belly was a very similar movie in my view with everyone either dying or going to jail for the most part. So I tended to stay away from it as well. But watching it today was very refreshing. I saw the movie for what it was. You know not only does the movie share a black story but it takes the picture of the era in which it took place in. (Thinking back to the late nineties and early 2000) this movie was very inspirational and over all had a great message. I don't know why it spoke to me so much this time but I can really say that I really appreciate the movie for what it was worth. You know I feel like we did things in the 90's that shaped the black community as a whole. Hip hop reflected the lives that we lived. It reflected who we were as people in this foreign country just trying to make it. I miss the way. The older people used to encourage the kids to stay in school and make something out of our lives. I just don't see that now-a-days... its cooler to be a dope boy and have lots of money then to take care of your family and your community. I don't know maybe I'm just disconnected from the streets and I just don't see what's going on any more. But none the less it is a great movie and I think anyone can get something out of it. The end

Your Type Is Not Extincted

Yeah so lately this has been on my mind... to me it seems like common sense but it doesn't seem to be so common. What I'm talking about are people saying things like "I see why girls/guys are turning gay, because men/women are full of shit". As I've come up in age, and I'm not that old but I have come to realize that the people that we need in our life are not particularly the people that we want in our life. Human natural makes us attracted to the fun, active, always in trouble type of person. Rather than the book smart, stay at home and out of the lime light type of person. To say a general statement about anything when there is clearly difference is so so stupid. When people say things like that it just make me think that they aren't ready for what they are looking for anyway... it’s usually the people who ain't shit themselves speaking for everyone... and it’s so stupid when stupid people co-sign a statement when they know the person that said it ain't shit... I mean girls fuck a million guys and then want a good dude... guy fuck a million girls and then they want a good girl...then when they meet a person and the person treats them how they carry themselves they want to make a general statement about the people in their lives, when if they had self-respect then people will handle them with the same respect… its so so stupid to me... if you don't like guys, go with girls... if you don't like girls, go with guys... but I'm here to tell you that people are saying the same thing on both sides (gay or straight)... People in general ain't shit... I don't feel like I'm the best guy in the world but I do a pretty good job... in the location that I'm in, I keep meeting the same type of girls no matter the background, so my solution to the problem is to move... I'm not into dudes, so me going for dudes just ain't gonna cut. I understand that certain females ain't shit... ill even go as far as saying the majority of females ain't shit and vice vercia... but that doesn't not mean I will never find what I'm looking for... I have enough faith in the relationships I've seen and been in to know that there are good honest people out there. Hell I'm one

And I Wonder... If You Know How It Feels?

Sometimes I wonder about love. You know the usual. What is love? Does it really exist? How do I know when I'm in love? What's the timeline for the possibility of someone being in love? Well some of that concerns me. I believe in love because of having felt it towards me and I've felt it towards other people. I don't know how much I believe the idea of a soul mate but I do believe there is someone out there for everyone. Only one person? Maybe not. But definitely someONE. The real question that plagues me is, when do you know you’re really in love? (Funny how they just made a movie about this subject called "How Do You Know". Which is a great movie by the way). I believe in love at first sight. I mean REAL LOVE at first sight. I don't believe you have to know someone a million years to fall in love or be in love with them. Which I've been told is a difference. It has to do with "Like". Maybe I’ll explain it later its actually a really good explanation. Is there an actual measurement for love? Or do we just know it when we feel it. I can say I've been in love at least 3 times. And not that mother/sister love. I'm talking about that love that makes your pressure go up when you see this person. That “I don't even wanna talk” love. That “let's just be with each other tonight” love.

Well the love I felt for these girls were different and none lasted, technically love was never really given a chance. But none the less they ended one way or another. So does that mean that what I felt was a lie? Or does it mean that I was actually in love with something new and improved? Because really that’s part of the attraction. Of course your gonna be attracted to anything that's not like the last encounter. But all this really has nothing to do with, if you know you’re in love. The reason I'm even bringing this subject up is because, I had a dream about this girl that I never met in real life. We've talked a couple of time but nothing to exclusive. We don't even live in the same city. She's a real sweetheart though. I try not to idolize her because she is a very interesting person. Absolutely my type in the literal sense. But she just a girl. I don't usually dream about people I don't really know... matter of fact one of her sisters was in it to. Really crazy. Really really crazy. Even though I did enjoy it. Anyway my question to myself and not to you is does this me I'm in love with her? Because I know I definitely love the thought of her in the prototype sense. I've always lived by an “if you don't ask you'll never know.” Type of mentality. I mean all they can do is say “yes” or “no”. And if its “no” than you can go back to what you were doing anyway right?. The pressure really comes from the “yes”. If they say “yes” then now you have to really put in work. Actually make an effort. But that is for another time. Am I in love is the question and if I am, what am I prepare to do? Because in my head "Love " is worth fighting for. I need to ponder this some more... I'll get back to you on that note.

I forgive losers

The Older I Get To You

I don't think people realize how wonderful it is to get older... I'm only 25 now but I can't wait to turn 30 and 40 and 50 and hopefully 60 or 70+ I wanna know what life for me is gonna be like... I don't like that I'm losing my hair but I love having to deal with the hassle of dealing with it. I appreciate so much more at 25 then I have ever. I feel and understand vibes. I'm at a pretty comfortable place with my communication skills. I don't get mad like I used to, I don't love like I used to. I don't even look at life like I used to. And everything is not peaches and cream in my life. I still go through learning experiences, I still get proven wrong all the time but I don't handle it like I used to. I don't waste my time with trivial things as I did in the past... I'm glad I'm getting older and I'm thankful for all that I have learned about life. It’s hard to imagine what I’ll know in the next 25 years... all I can say is I'm excited to be growing older.

10 - 2 goals

This is a list of things that i want to achieve for next year... as i look at it. it's not that spactalur but i've never been good at making short term goals... i like long term goals... like moving to Australia... but that's like 20 years from now... i have bigger plans that can't be achieved in a year. but this is my attempt at 10 things... i might add more later because theres only 7 right now... but what ever.

1.) Go to a film Festival... doesn't matter what kind...my long term goal is to have several films in a festival or my own festival... that would go hard.

2.) Get my licence... sigh!!!

3.) Save $5000 before December 31, 2011... Not really the best at saving just because of how i view money. but i think that a person who is 25 should have about $5000 saved up for a rainy day. i imagine that i should make a plan on how i'm going to achieve this goal. i do believe i can do it. and therefor i shall.

4.)Get a video Camera... it's been along time coming + people have been promising me that they were gonna buy me one... but i have yet to see one or see an attempt as to what kind i would like. but if you want something done right... you know the rest

5.)Go to a poetry reading... I've been to one that i was involved in but i was behind the scenes and not on stage. but maybe i'll do one of mine one day... but for right now i would just like to sit and watch.

6.) Go to an Art Gallery... actually i wanted to goto alot of them. because i'm really into all kinds of art and this is something that i think i need more in my life...

7.)Ride Horses... just something i wanna do... i think i did this when i was little but i'm not little any more. and when you watch movies theirs always a guy riding in on a white horse and he just sweeps everyone off of there feet... or how about the guy who rides in on a black horse or the headless horsemen... they scared the shit out of everyone PLUS they look bad ass... and i think that could add to my awesomeness... next year i'm gonna learn how to sword fight... I can't think of what they call it now but it's in the Olympics

8.) take more pictures with other people... i'm gonna try and at least post one person a month... so that's at least 12 different people... i don't think this is too much for me... so i'm gonna go for it