S2 Love Me Like the Movies Entry I of III

I’m addicted to love stories, yes it’s true. I’m a hopeless or,
rather, a hopeful romantic. Love Jones, Brown Sugar, Poetic Justice, Something’s
gotta give, 50 first dates, and one of my favorites Eternal Sunshine of the
Spotless Mind. I’m just a sucker for a good love story. I wouldn’t say I’m so
much of a sucker for love, but I would love to be in one of those stories. But
how realistic are the movie’s “love story” compared to real life “love Stories”?.
If we took some of the sweetest scenarios from the movies and made them
reality. Most wouldn't work. Like running to the airport at the last minute or
holding a boom box outside a girls window. Airport security is stupid crazy and
standing outside someone’s window might get you arrested or shot by her father
or something. Don't get me wrong the ideas are lovely, and I love to watch
them. But I can't see it actually happening. So without it being over
exaggerated what is a real love story? That's a real question. I don't have all
the answers I just know that when I'm in love I turn into a fighter. I fight to
keep that love. I fight to stay in love and if I think love is slipping I fight
to rejuvenate it. I'll be everything I need to be for a woman that deserves it.
I believe in true love and believe it is to be cherished. So when a girl asked
me while we were listening to a KEM song, "do men really talk like that to
women" my responses was yes I do and I have. I guess I'm part of the old
school or my image of love has been tainted by love movies and love songs.

S2 PENNs on the state of child abuse

This is not a political blog nor is this a political post.
I'm just writing about what I see and what I feel inside me. I know my voice is
one, and its content sounds similar to many other voices out there. I don't
know all the facts, I haven't been watching and dissecting every statement and
getting all the evidence to make a judgment on what is really going on with the
PENN state situation. So I won't judge the men who are involved or the children
who were involved. I'm just here to tell you what I think of the whole
situation that I know about thus far. There is a lot of wrong doing going on.
Grow men or women having sexual relations with children weather male or female
is sick. Do you know what it does to a child to be abused sexually? Whether it
is true or not the people of PENN state rioting because someone who knew about
it was fired was utterly ridiculous. I'm absolutely positive that this is not
and will not be the only case that comes out like this. When child molestation
cases come out, It's usually becomes the thing to do. I feel sorry of the young
kids who had to go through that. Kids don't know if that's supposed to be
happening. They don't want to tell on their grown up friend. Kids just want to
be liked and loved. They don't know the difference in good or bad attention
they just know attention. As an adult, people should be more sensitive to the
situation if the allegations are true or not. If the allegations are true, PENN
state needs to clean house. Something needs to be done. An example needs to be
made. That’s just my opinion.

S2 Self Help Yourself

Everybody strives for it or some form of it. It's definition is personal for the most part. What am I talking about you might ask? The meaning of life. What is it about and what does a 26 year old have to say about it? I'm not living my dream yet. I don't know where my next pay check is coming from. I belong to a group of Americans that are searching for a stable direction to go in. Young and broke. We barely make it. And the only reason we do make it is because we have to; we don't have a choice. We're smart enough not to be out on the street, but not focused enough to live our dreams so we teeter totter between what we want and what we need, what we are and who we want to be. Living pay check to pay check, we survive. What are we missing you might ask? Why can't we get it together? I can only speak for myself as a voice from the people, not for the people. I lack the confidence in myself. I'm not talking down on myself. I love me, I just know the facts. Seeing my potential and believing in my potential is not enough. I need to have confidence that I alone can achieve my goals. That's the meaning of life, confidence. We all need it and when we have it look at what we can achieve. Look at what people who have it have achieved. Confidence built the pyramids and the twin towers. It was a vision first. If you believe it you can do it. Go to the book store right now and go to the self help section, pick a book any book. Read it from front to back and pick up another one in a different section. They are about having self confidence. It's a must.

A VOICE FROM THE PEOPLE SERIES 2

Greetings other voices from the people. This is the first installment of A Voice From the People Series 2. An introduction if you will. Why the separation, you might ask? Well after The Evolution of the Lie (The Art of Lying), I stopped writing. Between then and now I have moved and become a totally different person from who I was before. My drive is stronger my vision is bigger and I've limited or got rid of some toxic or useless people. I'm better and greater then I ever was, and that's what I strive for. Progression is what my life is dedicated to. Change is good in my life and its done me great thus far. I hope the people who are used to reading my blog can see the difference and appropriate my transformation. Ya'll know I do this blog mostly for you so with that being said let's go... It feels good to be writing again!!!

The Evolution of The Lie (The art of lying)

“You’re a mother fucking lie”. Right out the gate. I've met lies of all kind and I've met liars of all types too. I hate liars. I could give you this long drawn out explanations about my ex that could explain the reason why I don't like them, but that's not for this blog. The reason is because when you lie you might as well be saying that they (The person you’re lying to) aren’t smart enough to figure it out anyway so I’ll tell them anything. That’s how I take it. And that’s pretty much how it is. Think about it…

I used to watch this TV show called “Heroes”. Anybody heard of it? Of course you have. But just in case you haven't here's what it is in a nut shell. "Save the cheerleader" “save the cheerleader"... that's a joke. It was for the people who have seen it. Sorry I got to write for everybody’s enjoyment. Okay , so heroes was a TV show about people who developed super powers and could do things like paint the future, read minds, things like never die, and start and stop time, all kinds of super powers. The concept of the show was good but the show just ended up not being so great. My reasoning for it not being so good was because it wasn't real enough. You got a guy on there who wants to cut the top of the head off of a cheerleader but can't cuss because its primetime TV on regular cable. I'm just saying there are a lot more reasons but that is definitely one. Okay so now that you’re up to speed you should be wondering “what does this failed TV show have to do with lying". Well good question bob. (Like a bob would really read my blog. Ha!) now let me explain. In the first season the heroes got their powers and saved the world. But in the second season when they added older characters that had their powers longer they revealed that there was more to their super powers then what they know. The guy who could read mines found out that he eventually was going to be able to take his mind and control another person’s mind, also being able to put your consciousness or soul in another body. The guy who could start and stop time would be able to travel into the past and future and teleport to any place on earth. The show was getting good; needless to say they fucked it up. But the concept was great. All that to get you seeing where I'm coming from when I tell you that there are people who are evolved liars or evolved in the Art of Lying. I'm going to try and explain it deeper because I know you've never heard of this before and if you have or believe the last statement about lies evolving then I know you haven't heard it on the level I'm going to try and take you. So let's begin.

If you’re a good enough liar you can make a lie sound like the truth. If you’re a better enough liar you can make your lie the truth. Okay okay I know that was heavy so let me write it again and then I’ll break it down. (Read slow) "If you’re a good enough liar you can make a lie sound like the truth. If you’re a great enough liar you can make your lie the truth. I actually said that statement last night and the thing that popped into my head was, "that's the devil" (I was actually talking about a person). In all manner of definitions that is a pretty accurate way to describe the devil I'm just saying. Okay the evolution of the lie. A lie is relatively simple. Ex., “I took out the trash”, “I didn't see your call”, “I'm a business man”, and “I didn't get your message”. An evolved lie from and evolved liar sounds more like (I’m just going to use the last example to expound); I got your message but I didn't message you because I was in a meeting and when it was over It just slipped my mind. It actually gets deeper: "I didn't see you message until just now (4 hrs later) my phone has been acting up, I messaged you as soon as I got your text. Now notice the detail and the facts in the previous lie. This lie can actually be true. Sometimes it happens, it really does. But they don't happen as often as one would like someone to believe. You all have phones you know how they work. A lie can get even deeper depending on who it’s being told to. Instead defending oneself, turn it around and put it back on your accuser by not even acknowledging you got the message. Ex. “you didn't message me; I know you didn’t, I've been getting messages all day, you’re lying". Wait Wait Wait I'm realizing that this is turning into more of a seminar on how to tell better lies and that's not what I'm about. Yes it’s true in the traditional since I am not a liar but in the asshole world, me pretty much being an asshole, I am able to tell and make lies the truth. Don't get it twisted this blog is not about me and my knowledge on how to execution an evolved lie, because lying is not a trait that I don’t possess (Unless need… like talking to the police or going to a high school reunion.) it is just a defense mechanism that helps me see liars and counter act their lies. I'm pretty good at. Look! This is my attempt to inform you that these liars are out here and they are making their own reality and you can get caught up in it. This is real stuff people. Feelings are involved, decisions are involved, your heart is involved, and your mental health is involved. Someone can take you in their world and break you down, have you stressed out thinking you’re the problem and instead they are the problem. They will pass their insecurities on to you, their judgments on to you and you will sit there and take it because in your head things are adding up, but it’s all an illusion. I think I got my point across for the most part. I'm going to try and squeeze in a lil wrap up to explain it just a little bit further

The definition of a lie is anything that is not the truth, anything that will detour you from what is actually happening. For you liars out there that don't know your liars. The opposite of honesty is a lie. If you’re not being honest about something you’re a lying. And you are a liar. If you tell half truths you are a liar. If you have no intentions of doing something and bull shit until there's an excuse not to do something. You are a fucking liar. There’s no way around it. I was listening to someone tell me lie after lie and finally it just hit me. You know the light bulb came on. "This nigga is liar, Damn it sounds like the truth, because they actually believe that what they are saying is ,absolutely without a shadow of a doubt, the truth". A person that lies that good is selfish and means you no good. My suggestion to you is get away. There will be nothing you can tell them to make them see the world or the lie they are living in and sucking you in it to is a lie. It’s a harsh reality. Well I put it out there. What you do with the information is on you. I've done my part.

I Model My Role

I love being me. For the most part. Yeah everybody has inquiries and has things they want to change about themselves and their situations. But I generally love who I am. When you’re happy with who you are, you shine bright and people notice it. When you’re doing “your thing” people see it and they want to be it or just simply be around it. Being looked up to can be a great thing. People want to mold their lives into what you are or at least a version of it. I'm here to tell you, you can't do what I do... Without my help. And if I like you I’ll give you my help. It's said that imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. I agree that it’s flattering but I won't indulge me efforts in helping everybody. As role models we have a responsibility to our community to produce quality people. Not knowing you’re a role model can be detrimental to someone who looks up to you. I'm not saying change who you are but when you’re in the public eye you should want to handle yourself with some décor. Be respectable, like I said before you don't have to change you, just be mindful that people want to do what you do. People want to be who you are. And you have a responsibly to yourself and the people around you to help shape a better tomorrow.

The Golden Rule Concept

The golden rule: treat others how you would have them treat you. I'm sure everyone has heard of this at least once in your life. I've hear it several time in my life mainly when I did something bad to someone else as a kid. They ( as in parents, teachers or whatever. ) would tell me "treat others how you wanna be treated", and in my asshole natural I would think in my head if I did what they did to me I would have wanted them to respond the same way. After hearing this several time in my life. I began to break it down and think about it. My conclusion was that this was a great concept. I mean its very logical, and I could see why and how it could be in some shape or form in every culture around the world. I myself can't leave well enough alone so with out me practicing the golden rule I developed my own understanding of this rule and it goes " treat people how they want to be treated" I've found this to be less heart breaking to me because the golden rule only works if the other person is practicing the same rule. But with the rule I came up with ( and im sure someone has had this concept.before but I don't know about them so I'm taking credit.) You don't feel bad about doing anything bad to someone because they wanted you to treat them that way. It's more of a passive approach to people but I think its a great way. Before you adapt this concept to your life, you'll need to be able to read people and you can learn to read people by studying yourself, your actions and reactions. Your feelings and emotions. We're all not that different so studying your self your movement and etc. You'll really be studying a member of society. You are a member of society.

You know I would like to apologize for how this post and maybe 2 or 3 post before this one went. I don't feel like I'm getting my point across in a fashion that I normally would. You may not notice it but I do so ill apologize. Lately I've had other things on my mind and I guess things won't get better or back to normal until I deal with what's running through my head.

Life = A Balance Between Living + Growing

I don't claim to be a philosopher. However in my living I have been through some things so I know little about overcoming obstacles, juggling day to day activities as well as all types of relationships. In my living I've learned a lot of words and a lot of answers to questions. I don't always know the right thing to say or always know the best advice to give you. I live on the boarder of insanity and reality. I don't know how I've made it as far as I have living and believing that everything always works out for me. And for the most part everything seems to always work out for me. I know the law of attractive and have lived “The Secret”. Real? You may ask. My answer will be I don't know. But it seems to be working on some scale in my life. I still could be living more abundantly. But I guess you get out what you put in. That's not the case with all aspects in life especially when it comes to human interactions. But with the world or universes being made up of measurable vibrations I have found this to be true about the law of attraction and life in general.

Life. How do u balance living your life and growing into the person you are or will be? I believe that what you will be is what you are now. I believe in eternity as in right now we live in eternity and being in human form we are just not conscience of it. But if there is no such thing as time (which in space there is no such thing as time. Because time relates directly to how long the earth takes to go around the sun and what part of the earth you are standing on. ) then everything we will be, is everything we are now. It may seem like growing but I think it’s more of finding/realizing how to live. You have to live your life. Once you get a certain age you’re out the door on your own. Life is not how your parents and teachers made you envision it. Nobody ends up caring what really happens to you. They have their own lives to live. So while your living and trying to figure things out life you recognize that there are things or problems in the way you handle things and need to find and adapt a better solution then the one you have been receiving. Living and experiencing life while you are researching by Googling, asking your support system, or whatever you do to get your answers (make them up in your own head is always an option). Once you find an answer that you are comfortable with. You trade and adapted the concept into your life and try it out. If it works BAM! There’s your solution. If it doesn't work you go back to the drawing board. Most times you can't run from your problems. Sometimes you have split seconds to come up with an answer. That's where experience comes in. If you make a mistake in life because it’s a new situation don't beat yourself up over it because with the information given you made the best decision to your knowledge. Having said that this defense doesn't work if you have killed someone or robbed a liquor store or something like that. You know better. If you’re living you’re growing. If you haven't lost your mind by doing the same thing over and over again and expecting to get a different answer, or just losing your mind. You have found a good balance between living and growing

I Need To Believe

Praise God. All praises do to the honorable Elisha Muhammad. Hail Mary, all that God stuff. I mean all that good stuff. I've already stated my position on what I believe in (Religious-less) but that was a couple of months ago and to tell you the truth my human nature is always looking and searching for someone or something more then what it is. There was a point that I could debate you hardcore that God doesn't exist in any form. And I could still give you a run for your money. Now before I get into this I still want people to be aware that I still don't believe the bible as it is written. I still don't think any religion has it right. And the way most people perceive god is not how I perceived him in the past. For the most part I believe in evidence, there may not be any dinosaurs walking around in zoos today but the fact that there are bones means that there was something here. Physical evidence is undisputable. Evolution and other creation stories I still don't believe. Which gets me to God, the creator of the heavens and earth and the cosmos. Do I still not believe in god? My answer is god as in all knowing and omnipresent I can't account for that. But I can say that I do believe in something higher. Maybe more advance. Maybe more knowing and not all knowing. I don't know what it or he is but I just can't imagine that the universe operates without order. I believe in controlled chaos. Let me explain we can figure out things about the universe like gravity and stuff like that. We can measure exact measurement assume and find out we are accurate on a lot of things. That’s how I know there is order and not just random events or random things. Math wouldn’t work if the universe was random The Mayans believed in cycles ,hints their very impressive and extensive calendar, that has been very accurate in predicting different events in history. So that is where I stand right now. Do I believe in your god? Maybe. Do I believe in God the way you do. I'm almost absolutely positive that I don't. But this is my journey, my needs and wants to find meaning to the life I live and the lives around me. I think after death the journey still hasn't ended. As far as today May 27 2011 this is where I stand on God and our need to believe in someone greater then what we can perceive.

The EXist Factor, Can I Be Your Priority?

The thing about asking people who left you alone why they left you alone, is they want you to leave them alone. I've wrote about this before in another post about 6 or 7 months ago (Keeper) and I just don't know what the deal is. I can't keep people around. I'm really at a loss for words on the subject. My mom asked me the other day who do I talk to in my family and I told her that I didn't talk to anybody. She was a little shocked like most people are but the people who are shocked are the exact same as the people who they are shocked about. I hear it all the time your cool as hell how could you have trouble being around anybody, or who wouldn't want to be around you? But it always seems to be coming from someone who brushes me to the side as well for whatever reason. I tried to explain to my best friend one time that I'm nobody's priority. Would you like me to explain? Well I will. Your priority is what you give the most attention to. Your default person or your go to guy, girl, or whatever. If you never care about anybody you care about your priority. You call and check up on them and vice versa. If you never fuck with anybody on earth, you always know your priority is going to be there. Well all my priorities have other priorities. If I died today it wouldn't really matter. Yeah people would be sad but I would be an afterthought. What I'm saying is nobody's life would be over. I don't even think anybody would be devastated. People will try to refute these statements but if they think about it for real they know I'm right. Proof is how you could not have contact with your priority for a whole week or a month. A week is long. Anything could happen. Granite nothing to horrible ever does but its the principle of the whole thing. Maybe I care to damn much or maybe I just have my priorities messed up. But I cherish everything. Technology has made it so easy to check up on someone. A text, a tweet, facebook, anything just to let someone know you care for their well-being. But whatever. I'm kinda venting as well as trying to figure things out about myself in this post. What in me or my actions makes people run? I've ran before but I have reasons. I never seem to get reasons. I always hear the same shit; he's cool as hell, he's so funny, he's so sweet. And the fact is I already know this but that doesn't explain why you run. If the previous statements are facts then why wouldn’t you want that person there always? I'm tired of feeling the way I feel. I'm tired of people casually going in and out of my life. I really just want to close the door and say fuck everyone. And maybe that's the conclusion of the story or the cycle. Fuck everyone??

Simply put... SOULMATES

Do you believe in soul mates? Do u believe that two souls and only two can be connected? Some people think that the word and concept “soul mate” was made up by greeting card companies to sell greeting cards. But there are actually myths and tales in different ancient cultures that express the idea of having a soul mate. But never on an individual level as far as saying that you and I have a soul mate. The person or entity in the story was the only one who had a soul mate. There is another myth, that god wanted to punish a soul so he split it in to two forms and the souls had to search for each other until they got their life right through a reincarnation / karma type of way. I guess if it has to do with reincarnation and karma that it wouldn't be god, it would probably be a god from an eastern religions like Buddha or the Hindi god(not sure of the name). I love the modern idea of the soul mate that there’s one person/soul out there for us, that there’s someone out there that doesn't have to fight to accept everything we are. I don't believe in soul mates I do believe that people are connected spiritually, not in a we go to the same church kind of connection, I mean in a "I get your craziness" understanding kind of way. I've met people who I felt after meeting them that I've met them before. Even to the point we used the same slang words and we were not from the same area nor have we ever talked before or been around the same people. That might not mean anything to you but I've met people who I hated, couldn't understand, hated me, and couldn’t understand me. And to meet someone who you can feel inside your soul is a really good feeling. I still don't believe in soul mates but I believe that we are all connected on a deeper level then we can’t imagine or understand, or just don't know.

I'm almost positive that i'll be writing more about soul mates or rather connections soon... i guess you can call it a teaser...

NO NO NO NO NO

Before you start reading this I realize that this is a subject that doesn't really go with this blog and it’s a subject that in my personal life I have already dealt with and I am perfectly over. Lately I have been dealing with people who either haven't reached the point I'm at or just refuse to acknowledge the option or subject. With that being said...

Can you throw this away for me? Can you take me to the store? Can I borrow your pen? Yes or no questions. I don't mind doing things for people. For the most part I like to do things for people. But sometimes I don't feel like it. Why is it that you can say yes a million times but the first time you say no, it’s like you never said yes. I've been called low down and dirty and etc. When it come to a no answer. NO is an option. This is just one side of the subject it goes both ways when you ask someone a question and instead of just saying NO they give you either the run around or just an excuse why they can't do it. NO is an option. Just say NO it’s an option and it can be an answer.

Personally I Want Personal Time

A couple of days ago I wrote a blog called "personally that ain't your personality". It expressed the change in someone's personality when they are taken out of their normal environment. I've been seeing this for about 3 years now, and that blog was a poor collection of my research. In doing the minimal research that I've been doing as far as seeing changes in other people. My attention fell on me. I was wonder, if what I think is true then I could not be immune to these changes in personality. Right? So my question to myself is/was "what are the changes in my personality when it comes to a field environment?". It's hard to check yourself because you’re not watching yourself do it, you’re just doing it. So with saying that I don't really know what my changes are to be exact. I'm going to ask people and maybe write another blog about it later but as far as this blog goes ill list some of the things I myself have noticed. I've been really cranky (I'm sure it’s mostly from the lack of sleep and long nights), I've been reaching and reaching for some personal time. Not like you would think though, most days I spend my days watching movies and talking to my best friend. We're usually on the phone so it’s private. But here I haven't watched any movies nor have I really gotten to have private conversations with my best friend. She's here with me but most, if not all, of our interactions have pretty much been in group. And I don't mind the group interactions but it’s only because we have the private interactions that I don’t mind the group interactions. So that's another change I have noticed about myself in this environment. I'll keep on looking and researching and get back to you with a conclusion.

You Did it One Time, You'll Do the Shit Again

One time I got violently thrown on the hood of a squad car after having my door snatched open and myself being yanked out of my truck without me being told what was going on. Another time I've had hand cuffs on my wrist so tight that I couldn't feel my fingers and had what felt like nerve damage for weeks. Another time I was told very aggressively to take my black ass in the house after being searched for walking in my apartment complex. The only weapon I had on me was a book about motivating myself to lose weight. Needless to say, I lost my motivation. I live in Montgomery Alabama. On the city seal it states in the middle of a 6 point star "The Cradle of the Confederacy” and around that is the statement” The Birth Place of the Civil Rights Movement". We are and have been well known for our police. Remember all those picture and videos of peaceful protesters getting dogs sicked on them, as well as being sprayed by fire hoses. Not to mention being beat by fist and police batons. Have you ever been beating by a baton? It's not a pillow, I'm just saying. I've always said that I don't like the police. I'm not a huge fan of authority in general. Gods among men. Run red lights, speed, harass, steal, illegally search, beat, murder, kidnap, threaten, invincible. If you can’t do it they can. It's been proven in the United States courts over and over again. Even if it’s caught on tape and the police admit to doing it they will be acquitted.

A couple of days ago a tornado ripe through the Birmingham Alabama area and the National Guard was called to assist the police in maintaining order. My unit has been working the night shift. I have always been wary of the police because of the paragraph before. I didn't even mention the harassment that my friends have had to endure because of wrongful identity or just pure harassment/hatred. Did I forget to mention racial profiling? Yeah that's a big one too. I have no love for cops. If I have something that needs to be handled I’ll handle it myself before I call the police. I have the same love for correctional officers and probation/parole officers. Their all the same to me. Crooked! Whenever I meet someone's husband or best friend or whoever is close to you and their profession is police, I already know your type. The type that believes in their job and that they are necessary to maintain order and justice in America. one day I’ll write a blog expressing how I justify being the national guard and having the views I have of the government and other government related items). We (The National Guard) were put in a position where we were going to have to endure the presents of police officers for about twelve hours. Daily or nightly. Last night I realized how much I really don't trust the police. I mean, I knew didn't like them. But trusting and liking someone is two different things.

Kilo Ali had a song called "white horse", where he took a statement usually reserved for cocaine, "don't ride the white horse", and turned it in to a statement about not trusting white people. In the song he begins with this statement "I'm a black man living in a white man's world/ I gotta watch my back he might rape my girl/ cause he did it one time he'll do the shit again". For some reason this has stuck with me since I've heard it. So last night when we started work instead of there being 3 of us. There was only 2. My best friend (who is a female) and me. Instead of there being 2 police officers there were 4 or 5 and none of these police officers were the police officers from the nights before. The only thing we were supposes to do was check peoples I.d. the whole night. I usually sleep and let the other people do it. But I was with my best friend and I was gonna do the work. So in the middle of the night which was actually about 3 or 4 I had to use the bathroom and as I walked to the porta potty I realized that I was leaving my best friend in the car by herself with at least 5 cops in closer distance. This is the point I realized that I don't trust police even a little bit. With us being in the army we were issued M16s. That night they had given us 10 rounds of ammunition a piece. I grabbed my magazine and put it in my pocket and was thinking to myself ill put 10 bullets in 5 police if they fuck with my sister. That shit came out of nowhere. But I was so serious. I didn't sleep the whole night that night. I just felt like I had to protect my friend. I just kept thinking about our ancestors that had to live with all the ridiculous laws and police and things that used to happen to them. If you’re a police officer (Black or white) and your reading this I want you to know that with all you do we are not afraid of you. We are not scared of you or your jails. We do not fear your lawyers or judges. This is our life and we don't need you to pretend to protect us while you rape our spirits with your supposedly random routine traffic stops. You bleed our cities dry with the bull shit laws you stand to protect. Freedom or death. Death is an option. I will not sacrifice my freedom for your protection. This is not a call to arms this is just how I feel about police and the situation I was in last night. I know some feel the same way I do. I'm still realizing stuff about me that I need to work on but the subject of police seems like an everlasting feeling. When they change and show me something different then I will change my views of the reality I see.

I desire to be a natural human

Human Nature: the concept that there is a set of inherent distinguishing characteristic, including ways of thinking feeling and acting that humans tend to have.

What really falls under this category? What are the desires of humans? I know the things in my life that I desire but I wonder if they are my desires or are they human nature? I know we all don't desire to be famous. I know we all don't desire to be rich. But do we all desire to be loved or at least desire to love? Is this desire human nature? Is it a necessity to our survival? I know how I feel when I feel loved and how it feels when I'm not feeling loved. I also know how it feels when I feel like I have nothing to love. So that leads me to my question; Is it human nature to have the desire to love someone or something other than your self?

Raised Like My Daddy

I never had a father figure. All I've had were father figures. The older men around me taught me about life and a way to handle it. Where they failed or didn't tell me about I emphasized. From a young age of like 6 I know it all and any more information or your two cents would be an improvement of my greatness or just as I stated before, your 2 cents. Now I'm not professing this to be the correct way of going about life. I'm just explaining that this is the way I went about my life. I learned how to handle stress, anger, love, happiness, envy, people, jobs etc. If you name it I've been in a conversation about it and have had advice on how to handle it. Weather I listened or not the subject was addressed. One theme that I can honestly say that I've been in conversation with every father figure/mentor or just a random nigga is... females. Yes how do you handle a women, and all that she is. I've heard and heard different scenarios and ways and ways to handle women, ladies, girls, (I just don't know what they want to be called any more. Seems like every term is offensive besides their name. And even that may be a problem sometime.) I've gotten very bad advice and very good advice. Either way I handled every situation like did. At the end of the day it’s my decision. I'm not saying I've handled every situation the right way nor am I saying I've made the absolute best decisions. Because the truth is I haven't. I'm far from perfect. I can say that in any decision I've made I handled it with my best ability and information that I had at that time.

I realize that one day soon weather I'd like to or not someone will look to me for advice. Whether it be my own future son or just some young men looking for another insight on a situation that he's in. So I have to think and consider all the advice that I've been given and judge whether or not I'm going to pass it on. For the most part when it comes to advice I like to give more than one way to handle it and let you choose which one will let you achieve the outcome that you want. At the end of the day it’s always your decision. As grownups and advice givers we have a responsibility in molding and role modeling the people we advise. I know as far as my future son. I won't teach him the ways I've chosen to handle women. Nice guys finish last. Very last, end of the story. Handle a women how she wants to be handled. If she doesn't have respect for herself then fuck her. Do whatever it is that men do to women who don't respect themselves. Someone's father or mother have failed their child and who are you to teach them what they should know. Leave them to guys like me who wasn't raised to handle people like they want to be handled. I was raised to treat a woman with respect no matter the circumstance. Awww ain't that cute... but it’s wrong. These women will eat you up and spit you out. A good woman can appreciate a good man but she doesn't want a good man. It's all talk. Now this blog is about women true enough but I don't want to make the mistake of having you believe that I am bunching every women in the same category nor do I want to act like men are just perfect and extremely innocent because we all know that to be false. So bare with me while I continue to explain my reasoning on why my son will not be raised to be like his daddy.

Out of 100% there's a good 10% of women that are “it” aka wifey material. What you see is what you get. That other 90% got that 10% fucked up. If I meet 91 women and 90 of them ain't shit, it’s gonna be real hard to even give that 1 a chance. The problem is on both sides of the fence and I will be teaching my son about the 10% but I'm gonna prepare him to deal with the 90%. I was unfortunate to not be told how to handle the 90%. I was raised to handle the 10%. So you can only imagine the surprise when I found out that a 90% even exist and that the last 10 that I've dealt with were 90%ers. Where is my 10%? Well I’ll tell you where she ain’t… Here with me. It's okay I am who I am and I will continue to handle every situation how I handle them but if I can save my son or someone else's child from experiencing the heartache and frustration that I've had to endure then I'm all for it. HI MY NAME IS SHAUN LAMAR I'M A 10%ER. I'm just saying.

Personally that ain't your personality

Army times 3 years, no combat time, no deployments, field time estimated at about 4 months...
I would say I haven't learned much from being in the army but that would be a lie. The truth is even though I knew a lot of good; I was exposed to more bad then good in the army. I have a good track record of about three years doing anything, jobs are especially on the tip top of the list. I seem to get to a point where I'm comfortable and my daily routine becomes rather easy. Something in my head snaps and I have to figure out the best way out. I'm pretty much at that point in my life right now. I'm tired of the military and pretty much all it has to offer. It might be a good thing for you and yours, so I won't knock it. But I can confidently say that the unit I'm in is not for me. Something in me was telling me to express that. This blog is not about army life. This blog is about you and your personality. Personally how well do you know your personality? Can you think about a situation and put yourself in it and know exactly how your gonna act? Do you know yourself well enough to take yourself there in your mind? The mind is a powerful thing. Scientist measured brain waves while people were sleep and the activities that they were doing in their dreams when mimic-ed the same activities while awake the brain waves reacted the exact same way. This should let you know that it is possible to put yourself in a different positions and situations. Or literally walk in someone else's shoes. How well are you connected to your brain and your imagination? I brought up the army because it takes you out of the ordinary environment and places you in what they call controlled (chaos). Which just mean we know what's going on, you just don't. When you enter this environment ( I.e. laser tag, video games in general) "you", (everything that is your personally) is there at the beginning but when you see the environment change you realize that you must adapt to survive. Because survive is the #1 law of nature. Priority #1 if you’re dead, fuck everything else.(as if you had a choice) I've seen the biggest badest people in a natural setting get in the field and become very different people. Almost contradictive. Which brings me to the question, how do you react to stress? Do you know how your gonna act when those bullets get to jumping at you? Think about it. Try and put your mind there. I've been shot at I know what i'll do. This question is for you. I've seen big bad wolves blow down lil piggy’s house down and get popped by the weasel. It really bugs me is when people change to an extreme to their environment. My eyes are brown they will be brown in any situation. My personality is Shaun Lamar, I’ll pretty much be that in any situation. I might change my tone depending on what the situation is but the environment has nothing to do with my personality. Or does it? What if I'm wrong? what if the environment really does directly affect your personality maybe I'm wrong? I'm going to do some research on the environments and the direct affect it has on the human personality or and behavior for that matter. I'll get back to you on that note...

What You Believe in is the Truth and the Truth is a Lie

What you believe is stronger than truth. Truth has many definitions so I looked it up so I could break it down or at least just prove a point about yourself and our reality. Truth: the state of being in accord with a particular fact or reality, or being in accord with the body of real things, real events or actualities. It can also mean having fidelity to an original or to a standard or ideal. In a common archaic usage it also meant constancy or sincerity in action or character. Truth by definition is not reality. But they both tie in together. We move through our lives on how we feel. We use our feeling to direct our actions and they help pursued our decisions. Our feeling are not a direct result of our morals but our morals have a lot to do with our feelings and actions. Where do morals come from you might ask. Morals come from living, experiencing life, a big chunk comes from our parents and another big chunk comes from our belief system (Religion, etc…). We ask questions like “What would you do in a particular situation?” to test our morals as human beings. I think morals go as far as your society. Some people believe you are born with morals. But I disagree only because what's good in one culture is bad in another one. The reason I'm talking about morals is to get you to the point of thinking about what you believe and that being stronger then truth. Thus having what you believe becoming your reality and truth having to submit to what you believe in. Thus proving what you believe is stronger than truth. I can give you an example. I'm sure we've all been in situations where someone (preferably a significant other in this example) came into the scene at the wrong time and all they caught was doing something unfavorable (against someone's morals) maybe you where cleaning a spot off of someone pants or you spilled something on your shirt and you needed someone to help you change it because you injured your hands. Who knows what type of situation it was? But that fact is someone caught you. And without you being able to explain they rush out the room shouting how could you do this? You running after them with your pants around your ankles shouting “it’s not what it looks like”. The point is to that person who came in at the wrong moment, it is what it looks like. All it takes is for that person to believe it’s possible, then see what they believe as possible, and now what they thought was possible is not only possible but what? Yes kids you got it... reality. Thus proving in this example that what they believed in is stronger than truth. As far as human relation goes trust is a powerful thing. You have to know someone well enough to not believe what you believed to be possible as not being reality. True the truth needs no proof to be the truth; it simple has to be the truth. But the truth that sounds like a lie with no proof can only be believed by faith. Faith equals trust. And faith is a whole nother ball game.

I wanted to say something about none human relations. As far as what you believe in being stronger then the truth. Things such as; how the world started and what happens when you die? Are ghost real? Do aliens exist? What is the soul? All of these questions are on our minds and we as individuals have answers for them, even if the answer is I don't know. I think we all want to find truth in what we believe. And want the truth (or our truth) to be our reality (or the reality). So that leads to the question how do we decipher from all that we've been given as truth from what we want to be the truth or our reality. Well how well do you truth the source? How well do you truth yourself in trusting the source? Heavy right? I don't have the answers to these questions I'm just like you. My truth is my reality and my reality is what I believe in. And what you believe to be true will always be stronger than the truth.

iRobotics

I had a crazy thought the other day while watching a video on this website. Its called howdothingswork.com very cool website. The definition of what kind of website it is, is in the address its self. Simply put it tells you how everything works from recipes for brownies to Quantum Physics. I ran across this series of videos called ten ways the human race will come to an end or ten ways the world will end. One reason it caught my attention is because me and my best friend have been talking about Dec. 21 2012, if you don't know about this date you should do some research. Okay back to the topic. We all know (and probably seen a movie on) the typical ways the world will end; a big asteroids, an earthquake, an alien invasion, robots take over. You know those things. Well one of the reason was pretty intriguing to me. It had to do with these microchips that reproduce themselves. Which is a pretty cool concept when you’re talking about space travel and the wear and tear of a space ship or unmanned probe creating a new self to finish its journey. What if it comes back to earth hostile or comes back in the past and we haven't even made it yet. That's pretty intense right. But it could be possible. Anyway so these scientist are in some underground lair (and their probably not in an underground lair but it sound cooler right?) making these molecule robots that recreate themselves. What the video was saying was what if they make a mistake and keep growing and growing and growing and just absorb the earth and then the universe? Which makes for a pretty cool sci-fi movie or at least a book right? Well my mind took it to another level instead of thinking man that sounds pretty bad. My mind was like "dude what if we the human race and everything living on Earth are actually just alien technology" think about it. Instead of us making robots in a lab thinking our robots might take over us, what if we were actually made in an alien’s basement lair and earth was really just a dumping ground for chemical waste. I'm not saying that's the truth because we all know that god made us in his like-Ness or something like that. But what if that was the truth how would that shake your meaning of life? This is what my mind does. I wish I could attribute this to some drug but I haven't done any drugs in a long while and my mind has been taking me on these mini journeys since my inception, or lack of contraception. Get it? Whatever this is what I deal with it and now it’s out there so now you have to deal with.

Your Speaking My Language

Imagine if we couldn't talk. If we had no language. If we were like animals that could only communicate through our actions. I think our connection with each other would be so much stronger. We'd almost have to be able to read each other’s mind. I think I like that idea. The idea that I know what you’re thinking without saying it. I know I'm pretty good at reading peoples body language. Actually I'm pretty awesome at reading people in general. I think one day ill take a break from talking and exercise my mind by using my actions to communicate. That sounds crazy right. But it’s not, think about it. Two people with a connection so strong that they communicate with their mind only, no words, no sign language. They just know. I know it’s possible all I wanna know is who's with me. I think I can take our minds there but I need someone willing to go to that dept of the mind with me.

Alone In Love

I like being in love and the same time I like being alone. Life alone seems like a sad life. But it’s not. You get to be yourself to the extreme. When you want to laugh you laugh when you want to cry you cry. You get to experience different emotions at will. Not worrying about who's around. Who will see you. By waiting to express an emotion you cheat yourself of the experience. To be able to just let it flow is an awesome feeling. It's intense. So I said all that to express that if you can find someone to be with and when your around them they make you feel alone(in the sense of how I just explained being alone) then that's great. That's the kind of love and comfortableness that I want. To feel so connected to know that it’s okay to express all that I can express when it comes.

Death From Above (Entry 2 of series on Death)

Life life life, so many blogs about life, how to live, how not to live, how to experience it. Well this blog is about death. Yes death. Let's take you on a trip through life to get you thinking about your death. I'm not gonna talk about where you go and what happens to you because I don't know. Today I want to talk about, what is a just cause for death. I mean you’re lucky if you die of old age. But let's be for real the way we live how many people really make it to old age and just die in their sleep. The majority of us will die from stuff like cancer or some unfortunate illness. The other majority is by accidents, and if you skin is the same color as mine most likely you’ll be filled with holes from some trigger happy so called frightened police officer while you pull out your I.d. that you were just asked to present. I’m just saying. The other day this young lady got shot by the police. Normally I’d be up in arms but this time when I heard the full story I was like “damn she's fucking up”. The first reports were this girl was stealing out of wal-mart ( as we so often do. Let's be real about it) and a plain clothes police officer tried to stop her car and shot the young ( black I might add) woman in the face. Now that sounds bad, really bad and the city was up in arms because I'm not the only one who hates the police and I'm totally justified in my hatred for them. We don't have gang problems we have police problems. ( it’s okay to quote that.) Now upon hearing the real story it got me thinking about the things we'll die for. The young lady didn't die but she's probably going to jail for a while. The real story was she as stealing (as we so often do... be real about it) she jumped in her car. A black police officer (which should be an oxymoron) in his stupid looking police officer uniform jumped out and tried to stop her. Upon him yelling stop she pushed the gas and hit him thus leading him to fire into the vehicle. There were accounts of the passenger yelling "hit his ass" but all that is irrelevant he say she say shit unless it was actually caught on camera. Now I don't really care what you think about the situation I don't like police as I've stated before and especially don't like black police. So 9 times out of 10 you can bet I will be on the opposite side of the police no matter what the situation is. You can tell me I'm wrong you can try and change my mind but I'm telling you I won't change my view point unless they change everything that a police officer is allow to do to us. Which get me back to the point at hand, what is worthy of death? Cheating on your spouse? Running a red light? Wanting to get as high as possible? I think it’s an important question and it should be considered throughout your life. There's a gun in my face the only request is for my sneakers. Are these special edition air Nike transformer Jordan dunks worth me getting shot in the face? I know my answer. And you should know yours. If this question was presented more to you I think a lot of things just wouldn't happen. Actions and consequences. Most of the time the consequence is not death but what if it is? What would you die for? That girl was about to die for stealing? In any religion I don't think that's a way to get to heaven. We should all consider death in the things we do the actions we take. It shouldn't make you scared to do anything it should make you confident in the things you want to do, in the decisions you make every day. Think just a little before you do something. Ask yourself what if I die doing this? And if the answer is I'll die for that. Then do it. It's an individual thing. I can’t give you the answer. I think we can all make this world better if we exercise that question a little bit more.

Formed to Be Human

Do you ever think of the human form? I mean I know me as a man find the female human form so beautiful. I think even women gay and straight alike can appreciate the female form just as much. I mean, me, personally think everything about a women is beautiful. The way their brain works the way they process their thoughts and deal with emotions. All that is something to be admired and appreciated. This blog however is not about just the female form this is about the human form. let's see if I can take your mind there. We as humans were created to win. Wait wait wait. I feel I must say this before I began because this maybe the first time you have read anything on this blog and you may not know about the things I believe or disbelieve or just can't explain. In the bible, it says that man was made by god in his likeness. Evolution states that every living form on earth evolved from the same source (some may argue that the source is god thus saying that even if you believe in evolution you believe in god). It is also said that we were placed on this planet by an alien race. All of these are okay explanations. There literally as many theories on how we came to be as many religions and cultures on this earth ever. One is right and the rest are wrong. I'm not here to convert you or discredit any of the things you may perceive to be true. I'm just here to express my appreciation of the human form. The fact is we are here and we are in this form. I don't know how we came to be and at this point in my life I don't really want to deal with it. Having said that lift up your hand. Look at it. Wave to your self. Shake it about. Look at your movement. Look at how when you stop moving the natural position it takes. Look at your fingers and your finger nails. Imagine them growing. Imagine how they grow. We can do this with the whole body. the way we walk the way our mouth moves to eat. It's not the same movement as we use to talk. I say it again we were made to win. Think about it. On earth if you look at the big cat family. You have lions, tigers, leopards, cheetahs, Jaguars. I mean you have a bunch of Cat forms. We as humans don't have different human forms. Yeah we come in different colors but the reality is that every other species has at least one other form hints crocodiles and alligators. Us as humans don't but I could be wrong. Supposedly big foot exist. He's very secretive but he has been seen all over the world. So maybe there really is another human form and culture. I kinda got off subject. Monkeys have hand but can't make weapons like we do nor do I think they have the brain capacity to come up with it on their own. I saw a documentary one time that showed a monkey would help if it directly is to the advantage of the monkey. As soon as it realizes that it doesn't help him he will stop doing whatever it is he is doing. Kinda makes you think about what and why we do what we do. The human form has adapted from its faults. We can't run the fastest so we adapted. We can't remember everything so we adapted. I say no matter if your big or small tall or short, adapted we were made to win. We have 5 fingers instead of ten on one hand. We were really formed to perfection however we came to be. I don't know if I took your mind where I wanted it to be. But I hope you can at least appreciate everything thing you are. And understand even without you winning in this social structure or culture you were designed or formed to win. So go win damn it.

Emotions in the Lotions

When I cry, you cry, and we cry together. Love, jealousy, anger, fear, hate, depression, and etc. Emotions make me cry sometimes. Emotions emotions emotions. Unique to man? I don't know. But what I do know is that we have them. I wonder if emotions are unique to just this world (earth). do you think that we have emotions in outer space or on the moon or mars. But wait think about this, it just popped in my head. On other planets where there's life do you think they have a weird name for earth like alphadog99? I mean of course they wouldn't speak the same language we speak but that would freak us the fuck out if they did. right? I just had to put that out there but back to the subject of emotions as a guy I don't try and react to certain emotions that I just so happen to feel. But the fact is I do feel emotions and I have to deal with them. It drives me crazy to see a person extremely emotional it always seems like they just want the attention off of whatever is going on to have the attention on them. A prime example is at funerals. You've seen it just like I've seen it “woahis me I'm so so sad, I'm so much sadder then so and so. Yeah so and so is dead but everybody look at how sad I am. I might die with all my sadness”. I don't know if that's funny to you or if you even feel the same way I do but that's how I feel and I laugh when I see someone acting out. Because it’s disgusting to think that someone could be fucking selfish as to take the attention off of whatever is really going on just so we can say "man she or he is so sad they must have really been affected by what is going on." Bologna (love that word by the way) yall mofos better not do that at my funeral because I'll come back and tell everybody "man I didn't even fuck with so and so when I was alive". So on a side note sometimes when I'm writing these blogs I want to so bad put "lol" or "lmao" behind a sentence but I kinda want to be a little bit professional. I mean in a real article I wouldn’t get off subject as much and put my two cents about two cents in. And also I think yall are smart enough to know that a joke is a joke when you read it. But then on the other hand we get pretty deep into some subject and you might be thinking "he can't possibly think that way" when in fact I do think that way. I'm just saying you guys are pretty smart. Okay back to emotions. Anybody seen twilight? Of course you have. Particularly the second one. When the stupid girl (please excuse my condescending remarks about this movie) was sitting in her room for months and month with the sad face. I mean I know I get sad and I've gotten sad over a female but god damn what is she 16, 17?? Doesn't she have to go to school or something? I mean really? I don't get you kids and your emo, I wanna look so so sad all the time with that goth look. And I know there's a difference between goth and emo as a lil girl schooled me... excussseee me. I feel the same way about emo and goth as I do about that stupid fruit delicious futuristic sway pretty boy stuff. All I'm saying is, I like my straights straight and my gays gay. No mixing, damn that sounds a little racist. I like my people like I like my coffee… black. That was a joke. I'm not racist. I'm just prejudice and you are too. How do I know? Well when I call you a racist the first thing out of your mouth is I'm not racist my so and so is black or gay or Chinese. Which means that you recognize that so and so is something different then what your used to. Its okay you have to learn to be racist but everybody judges and everybody pre-judges it’s a survival instinct. Oh you still don't think you are? Well when you stop and ask for direction do you ask the guy with a pistol tucked in his waistband or do you ask the man in a suit? Now you can say it wouldn't matter to you. But I'm here to tell you that I'm going to ask the man in a suit. True enough they both might rob me or give me bad directions but if the man with the gun robs me, I kinda walked right in to that one right. Are you still saying no? Well your prejudice against the truth and the mouth it comes from. I'm just saying real is real. And the fact is we all do it. And if you disagree you should be real with yourself. I know your thinking man he really got off topic that time but that's not the truth. It all ties in with emotion the way we feel about people and our surrounding. The way we handle situations the way we survive. Our emotions lets us know what directions to go what things to avoid. Without our emotions we'd be robots. Emotions make us human and we should all embrace our emotions. Don't be scared to express a point deeply and emotional. Get others emotions involved and start an emotion revolution. I'd be on the front line of that. No homo... right? Cause guy aren't supposed to be sensitive right? Well straight guy. I'm just saying we all feel them and feel like it should be a joy to express them.

Who Wants To Watch Me Commit Life

I wonder if you can feel what my blogs are gonna be about by my crazy titles that don't absolutely have to do with the topic at hand. Today topic is one that everybody thinks about but nobody wants to talk about. Death death death. If you say it three times fast and spin around and shine a flashlight in a mirror you'll probably just see your reflection. If you see otherwise keep it to yourself. I don't need to worry about mirror monsters when life is scary enough without the super natural putting their two cents in. Super natural. What does that mean anyway? How can you be any more natural than natural. Superman is a super human which means he is a better human or man then anyone else. But natural is an adjective. And theres not really much you can add to natural I guess unless your nude but we don't call naked people super natural we call them naked. I'm just saying. But I totally got off subject and rambled about something that is not even relevant. Okay where did I leave off of, oh yeah death death death. What's the meaning? where do you go? what happens?

Before I start I have to say that I am not scared to die. I hope it’s for a just cause like saving someone's life or for something that I believe in. I hope it’s not of old age or something stupid like stray bullets. Which is a real thing. People get hit with stray bullets. It's very unfortunate and sad but it happens. At my funeral I want yall to party like its 1999. or Dec. 20, 2012. I'm just saying it’s a celebration and that's how I live my life. I figure that my funeral is the last time you'll get to be around you and if you ever had to have the opportunity to be around me when I was alive you know we would of had a blast just doing regular stuff like going to the store or just watching tv. So I would want my funeral to be as such. Man I digress there is so much to say about death I might have to break it down and make it a whole series on death. I keep getting off track. Well the main topic I want to talk about is the afterlife and particularly what happens after you die but more of the way you get there. Does it really matter what we do in our life? Are people who are Jeffery Domer or the Son of Sam experiencing the same things we regular people do when we die? Will a potty mouth keep me from going to heaven if in fact heaven does exist? Every culture has some form of an idea as to what happens to the spirit after it leaves the body. Someone's gotta be right or ALL of them are wrong. How about when people come back from the dead who have been dead for days? Did they go to heaven or hell to wait to come back? Did they go to purgatory? All that to say, what if suicide was not the fastest way to hell? what if suicide is just the fastest way to the afterlife? And no I'm not thinking about commuting suicide, this is just a discussion about death. People kill themselves for a bunch of reasons but the main reason (don’t quote me on it) is because they are just tired of the physical life as we know it. I get it life is hard. But what if they were actually on to something? If scientist came out and said today we found out what actually happens when you die and it is confirmed by one of the other scientist that it is okay for you to kill yourself that no matter what you did on earth we're all going to the same place. Would you off yourself? To tell you the truth I’d consider it. Actually doing it? Probably not. I would have to be a witness myself and really hate my life to just want to say fuck it I wanna be in the afterlife. Right now I love being alive and experiencing everything I can. I love to smile. I love to laugh. I love to cry. I love the feeling tears feel when they leave your eyes. I don't know if ya’ll think of life in that way but I do and I try and cherish every moment because I'm never sure if I'll get the opportunity to experience a shower again to brush my teeth again to walk again to tell someone I love them again. To look at the stars again. I try my best not to take things for granite even though I probably could do better but even superman can stand for a little improvement. I'm just saying. So if I decide to do a series on death this will be the first entry and you don't have to be scared to read it. I won't make it dark and depressing I'll do my best to think of you when I'm writing it and be sensitive to those facts. Until the next late night early morning fest I hope you enjoyed and I put some questions in your head to consider. That is all.

I Did It On Purpose

The definition of purpose is: the result, end, mean, aim, or goal of an action intentionally undertaken. The question I pose to you is what is the purpose? Of what you might ask? Well… EVERYTHING. I'll narrow it down a little but I think you should ask yourself this question in everything you do. Example: what's the purpose of getting angry at someone your gonna forgive in the next ten minutes or a day or so. Do you want another example? Well what's the purpose of going out of my way for someone who doesn't even seem to care for me? These are not question I'm demanding you to ask yourself. All I can do is ask you to think about it and try it out. Maybe you can benefit from a different way of thinking. Okay now I'm going to narrow it down to a topic. I didn't break it all the way down because the purpose that I want to focus on has a wide range of directions we can go on. I'm just going to share some ways I feel about it.

What is the purpose of life? Big question right? Almost like asking what major I should pick when I don't even know what I'm good at or what I like. Yes I just downgraded life’s purpose to picking a major. But it all ties in. Because life's decisions is what either brings us to or pushes us away from our so called purpose. When you talk about purpose you have to think about the past and the future. You have to think about humanity as a whole. Every culture that has existed on this planet. Not necessarily in-depth but if you are thinking about purpose it is good to know about different ways of living. Egyptians built pyramids that we still have not figured out the whole extent of. Other cultures have built these giant structures that point to the stars with no explanation of how they were even able to build them or move large stone from point A to B. What's the purpose? I mean can you imagine believing in something so much that you build a huge monument. Or more recently believing in something so much that you either kill yourself and others around you. Look at all these cults that have killed thousands of people because of what they believed to be their purpose. Were we meant to live the way we live? Is there a bigger purpose to life? These are the questions I pose to you. I don't know the answer. From my research, which is not an in-depth study, it’s more like if I want to know something I just Google it, well in my Googling, or however you make Google an action, I've come to find out that purpose is an individual thing. Maybe your purpose is to raise a family; maybe your purpose is to be a big basketball star. Who knows? But what I do know is that if you find a purpose and look at it in the big picture form. I promise one way or another your life with gravitate around it and it'll only be a matter of time before it is received.

Okay I'm actually done with what I had to say about purpose in this blog but I'm not satisfied because I feel like even though this is a discussion about purpose I still discussed it on a carnal level. The direction I ended in was not particularly the direction I wanted to go. However I still felt I achieved in getting a point across. Now after saying that I feel like I wouldn't be doing this topic justice if I didn't have you to consider purpose on a bigger level and not so individual as in why do we exist? How do we exist? Why do humans live so differently from all the other species on this planet? We have scientist that attempt to explain some of these questions but instead of coming up with an answer they just seem to always state facts like the earth is round. And humans breathe oxygen. Those are Facts. And that's all good and dandy but it doesn't explain the existence of why we exist the way we do. If we can figure that little bit out. I think that would make humans sky rocket into the future light years. To have a purpose and to see the big picture is such a huge motivation. And to not have is to exist the way we exist now. Yes I said that we as humans being have not figured out our purpose so we just do what we do and go in any direction that we go. And now I declare that I have done the topic of purpose justice.

Connection in My Reflection

I read half of books...
See I'm a bit of an asshole and a smart ass. Which makes me a bit of a know-it-all which makes me think I know how a book is gonna end. I've been not absolutely proud of it. But we're all dealing with our personality’s right? So I read half of this book. The book was called "blink", without knowing it, this would be my first introduction to some form of quantum physics. Which in turn would change my life. Quantum Physics is a little hard to explain because it’s hard to understand. It pushes the limits of your mind and expands it. So this book "Blink", it poses the question. How long does it really take to get to know someone? The book is the documentation of several studies about people who have known people for years and didn't know anything about them verses people who have just met knowing a great deal about each other. There's one study that shows that the brain will pick up on a pattern before you yourself actually realize it. I really enjoyed this book at least the part I read. Never did get around to the end of that. None the less I figure I got the jest of what it was trying to express to me.

I believe in connections. I've known a lot about people that I've never met before in sort of a "déjà vu" way. More recently I met someone whose life mirrors mine. I mean we talk all the time but it seem we don't ever have to talk. It's almost like we have the same brain. When we're not talking we're having similar thoughts. We've even been watching the same thing on tv or streaming the same thing on Netflix. I've been told repeatedly that these are just coincidences but I know better. And I don't have to think if they know better either because without saying it there's a connection that I've never experienced before and I have a twin. I'm just saying. Circumstances prevent us from calling it what it is. But you can imagine finding someone you didn't know you were looking for. You can imagine someone turning out to be someone you totally didn't expect. Our brains figure shit out before we even begin to comprehend what is going on around us. Past cultures have written about subjects such as true love and soul mates and being able to have connections on higher planes. I have never intentionally been to a higher plane. But evident in my life have shown me that I have in fact been on these higher planes and I wasn't alone. We can measure thoughts. If we can only acknowledge that there are at least the possibility of things that we don't know about certain things or aspects about life then we can open our minds to so much more. As for me the connection I see feels like my reflection only I'm not looking in the mirror I'm looking at you.

Police Brutality Reality

Dear Mr. policeman and woman do you think our lives are worthless? Do you think we're not the same? Just like you go home to a spouse and kids do you not think we have no one to care for? Why do you belittle us and beat us with your weapons? How do you support none violence by using violence? If I attempt to do the things to you that you are allowed to do to me then I will find myself locked away and you get to support your family another day. It's not that we don't like you Mr. Policeman. But we need some understanding. Some questions need to be answered. The communities that you have sworn to uphold and protect, is the same community that you beat down and oppress. How do you sleep at night knowing that there’s another you creeping around the corner lurking in the shadows waiting for their next victim? Would you be okay if your wife and kids were subject to the same treatment? Than why should we? Why should we smile and wave at you? When on any day you can pick my name out of a hat and make my life a living Hell on ice. Why should I be okay with you sexually harassing my wife on a routine traffic stop? No Mr. Police man it is not okay for you to touch me and go in my pockets and search for evidence to things you have no idea about. No Mr. Policeman I do not support you using violence on me or anyone else that has not caused a direct threat upon your life. What is the deal with your aggressive nature? Because you beat the shit out of me when I talk calmly to you, I don't want to talk to you when you need my help. I didn't see anything. But even that is a crime. Will you scare me more by telling me to give you information about subjects and events that I know nothing about? Please Mr. Police man throw down your hatred and stand up for something. Stand up for the people who help support your family by paying taxes. Yes the world is bad, but you are supposed to stand up for what is good and right. When I see red and blue all think about is black and blue. Take these hand cuffs off and I’ll show you what's up. How about I put them on you and show who’s really tough. You can scream when you've had enough. But you'll be out of luck. Cause no one will hear you but us. And while your laying there thinking “this couldn't be happening to me” and wonder if you'll ever see your family again or if you get justice. I'll be yelling about how I'm gonna rape your wife and beat your kids. And they’ll not gonna have a daddy or momma any more. Not so great when the tables are turned. You should handle people with more respect and remember your human just like us. And you can be subject to the same humiliation and torches you inflicted on us.

When I Tell You I Love You

I love you... what does it really me to love someone? What's the difference between loving someone and being in love? I know love is a discussion a lot on this blog but I believe in true love and I heard this guy say,after explaining that both of his ex-wives were bitches, that “if you don't believe in love what's the point of living”... and I totally agree. I know I have been in bad relationships over and over again... and to tell you the truth they weren't that bad. But I still like to think they were bad enough. None the less the most intense love I had for a person didn't last. I've been in love before and after that time but none was quite like that one time. I think love has to do more with locations and times then actual emotions. Yeah emotion has a lot to do with it but I can love someone I just met yesterday and if I would of met them earlier or later it wouldn't be the same. The attraction wouldn't be as strong. But I'm not trying to discrediting any theory on love, or what you feel in your heart. I'm just giving you a suggestion, a new way to consider, just something else for you to think about. Nobody can really give a real good definition of love. You know it when you feel it because its unique to the individual or individuals that are in it. I was in bible class and heard a really good and creative explanation of god being love. It pretty much says that you have to have the holy spirit and if two people decide to come together. Then for them to be in love they have to both have the holy spirit. And by them both having the holy spirit they will be in love in Christ. It was something like that. Please don't quote me I don't think I explained it very well. But I think you may get the gist. Love god and in that you'll be in love... and if you find a mate that loves god then you'll be in love together or in love with each other. Yeah I think that's better. I don't even believe in none of that anymore. But I figured you god believer might get something out of it. Okay now back to my point. Could it be possible to have more than one soul mate. Depending on the time and situation? Would your so called soul mate be your soul mate had you met them in different circumstances? These are just questions. I usually don't deal with the “what if” scenarios. You know the “what if” I turned left instead of right. “What if” I never met you. You know those types of scenarios. I like to deal with facts and things I can test out for myself. I can't explain it but I don't like some people but I love them. To tell you the truth I'd rather you like me forever then to love me. Because people do crazy stuff when their in love. Someone that loves you might do something bad to you. But someone that likes you wants to see good things for you. Think about it. And that's all I'm gonna say about love right now. I know I was scattered all over the place but that's how my mind rolls. and your gonna have to deal with it. I love you :)

I Mean Life Man... LIFE!!!!

I've decided I want to live a more meaningful life. Well what does that mean exactly? A lot of people talk about wanting to be successful especially after Drake and lil Wayne made that song. But what does it mean to be successful? A lot of money? a lot of cars? Clothes and hoes? I personally say no. To me that's not what life is about, acquiring a bunch of things and people around you doesn't make you successful to me. However if that's your goal then by all means do what you do. I haven't been a hater since 1995. Me saying I want to live a more meaningful life is me wanting experience life in all type of ways. Me wanting to feed the poor and teach kids. Not in a civil servant type of way more in a grassroots type of style. I wanna live on other continents and in different countries. I want to learn and experience different cultures. Practice different customs find the root of those customs. That's what a more meaningful life means to me. Now I just have the courage to do it.

Fall For Your Type

I thought I knew my type of girl. I thought I knew what I was looking for. All until I met you. And not the you in my mind. The real you. I have never in my life met your type. In my life you are truly unique. A rare jewel that shines brighter then the sun. The life I lived lead me to what I am and the life you lived lead you to the person that you are and what you are is beautiful. By far the most interesting person I've ever met. I'm used to wowing people with the stories in my life. But for once you have wowed me with everything you are. You have really given me hope in life and what I should expect from my significant other. What are standards if you've never seen them manifest. To think you really know what or who you want until you met someone that flips that shit on its head.

Expression of affection is the wrong direction if the direction that your fetching is in discretion pause for a second. And think about what is manifesting don't forget the lesson that you learned the last time you requested. Weapons against the heart are only from the mind. Deflection with reality is your only reflection. Yes her reflection is perfection. But your confession will not be well receptive or respective if its prematurely ejaculative.

Turn on the Fan

In my life time I have been a fan to many people. Most I can consider a role model of some sort. But actually I look at everyone as a role model of how to live or how not to live. I think that’s a pretty good practice if you’re really looking for the best in life. I have been a huge fan to Cam’ron in the nineties, Kanye West, Cee-lo Green, and more recently WALE… I’ve been fans of other forms of Art mainly directors and actors. But who doesn’t have a favorite actor. My favorite author is Neil Strauss. You may not know him but he is one of the reasons I really wanted to pursue writing. What being a fan to me is having a connection with that person and not just their art I want to know all about them, where they grow up, what made them want to do what they do, what gave them the courage to who they are. I didn’t mention the local people that are randomly on different sites that I myself are a part of. I think they need the most support because I know how it is to put your all into something and nobody really cares about it. Or people didn’t respond to it as you thought they would. I enjoy being a fan for the simple fact that I hope it’s enough motivation for you to continue doing what you’re doing. I mean you wouldn’t be in the entrainment business if you didn’t think you could entertain. All I’m saying is embrace your fans the ones that love you and support ALL that you do. Because there are going to be people that hate you because you’re doing the things that you want to do. And it’s always great to know someone thinks your work is pretty awesome and worth paying attention to… that all

Abolition of Black History Month

We can argue all day that this country is divided racially. Instead of being the melting pot, we are more like beef stew... everything's in the pot nothing is really fussed together. We just co-exists. When America was found or founded people from all over the world came to see this "New World" which was inhabited by people already. Early Americans fought and took what they wanted with no mercy or respect to the cultural that were already in place. We have better weapons so what is yours belongs to us or else. And it ended up being "or else" and the results slaughter or a mass extinction of the indigenes people of the Americas. This wouldn't be the last of the injustice that the American people/government would inflict on a culture or people. America was founded on death. From its inceptions it was immortalized in/blood blood. Land of the free indeed unless you have something to say about what we're doing. Black people were brought to America as slaves. But that's not what black history is about. Its well known that the world indulged in slavery. so that doesn't make this unique to American history. However when black people were freed a lot of separation and discrimination was going on. Even though the constitution states that “all men are created equal”. Black people were not looked at as human and not until the 60's and 70's did the politics of civil rights start to turn tables. America still has a long way to go but seeing that America can't last forever I'm sure it will never reach the point that everyone gets treated the same. Today, just as when "black history month" was started, Black Americans are excluded from American history. And the few times that they are included, with maybe the exception on Rosa Parks and Martian Luther king jr., the stories are riddled with lies and a one sided account. Black role models and leaders and organizations are described as criminals. Is it criminal to stand for freedom? Is it criminal fight for the equal rights? In history police get glorified for oppressing black people. They have picture of peaceful demonstrations being broke up by police with battalions and Billy clubs. They sprayed people with water hoses and let dogs attack people just for standing up for their right to be treated equally as it says in the constitution. Black history doesn't have to be important to you. But you should know that you can't mention America without mentioning the black struggle. The stuff black people have had to endure in America. The constant belittling and expressions of worthless-ness. There are some that say there is no need for a black history month. I agree only if black history was included in American history. And I mean real black history. History that tells the real story about the black panthers and Ronald Regan and the police and crack cocaine and gangs and gentrification and the CIA. Id agree and be delighted to get rid of black history month when American history is the real history. Everybody should embrace black history as their history. Only because it is your history.

Religious-less

This is my stance on everything religious and spiritual... I have pretty much kept quite for about 3 or 4 years as to what I really believe in. Its not because I wanted to keep it secret its only because I didn't really know where I stood in the scheme of things. I'm more confident now and have a better understanding of my self and the world around me. So now I can clearly or make it clear enough for someone other then myself to understand.

I grow up nothing. As a child we read the bible at home and did not go to church. I asked my mother one time what we were and she said just tell people your Baptist. I wasn't really in to impressing people so I just told people I didn't know and they would be all concerned about my well-being and of course my afterlife. If I didn't know anything though I knew I wasn't a Christian. The ones I had met so far were very hypocritical. It used to bother me when they would tell me not to cuss. But it was okay when they were upset to curse and tell people to go to hell and stuff like that. It really turned me off to even wanting to be a Christian. But I still read the bible and believed the stuff that I read. Back then I didn't really understand religion. It was weird to me that we were suppose to pay the church tiding for our sins and Jesus already died for them...lol that was a joke. But a lot of the operations of the church confused me. And me asking people that went to church the reason as to why they did some of these things. It seemed to me that they didn't know either. I would get answers but they couldn't explain their answers and I asked a couple of pastors and they always had the similar answers... blah blah blah but you should attend church to get a real understanding of things. My reply was always well come pick me up and I'll go... yeah turns out everybody wants you to go to heaven and come to their church unless they have to come and get you. But whatever I still pushed on.

I didn't start attending any type of service regularly until my second semester in college. Even though I hadn't be to church regularly ever. people were always surprised at what I actually know about the bible and they stuff they believed in. Religion always interests me. Because like I said before I didn't understand and I definitely didn't understand why the operations were true... for example purgatory... from my understanding in the catholic faith... when you died and you don't go to heaven you go to purgatory and you family prays and pays money to get you out and then you go to heaven... now I'm sure I'm not 100% right about this. But from that understanding nobody goes to hell?? Am I correct about that? I'd ask you to correct me but I no longer care about the inner workings of that religious faith. I've investigated until I was satisfied. Which brings me to Bible class or the Institute of Divine Metaphysical Research. I was introduced by a friend that I worked with (they actually came and got me). This bible class was not an ordinary bible class. I'm not gonna tell you about it but if you want to know something about here is the website www.idmr.net I'm almost positive that there is a location near you if you ever want to check it out in person. In this bible class I learned a lot of new things like the name of god and the inner workings of the bible. I attended faithfully for several years. I even got a ministers license to teach the class... that's a little known fact about me... I'm absolutely positive that you don't know that about me. I don't tell anybody because when people know they tend to put their morals and better judgment on the way you live your life. But you don't know my struggle so can't feel my hustle...lol how hood of me to say right... lol I know... but yeah so I attended this class regularly and got familiar with the material and gospel. Id say one of the biggest benefits about it was me learning all the scriptures. I was pretty good at naming and relating.

I'm not gonna bash the class or the people that attend/attended. I will say that the leaders in our branch didn't seem to live the thinks they professed to believe. But it doesn't seem like any religion has a well put together clergy without any drama. I guess that's the right word for it. Needless to say I stop attending because I felt as if they were not preaching what I believed anymore. Somewhere they turned and I missed it. I wouldn't say I was on the right path but I believed in what I believed in sincerely and you can ask all the people that knew me at the time. Bible class came before anything. 3 days a week I was in that class for 2 hours each time sometimes more when we had bible study early on Sunday and Saturday class which was 2 hours also. So yeah I lived breathed and eat bible class.

Before I stop attending I came across quantum physic. It pretty much blow my mind with the dept and difficulty to understand exactly what it was. I did minimal research enough to be able to discuss it but not enough to break it down to someone. Quantum physics gave me a lot of questions about what I was taught and what I actually believed to be true. I didn't ask the questions because in the past questions get answered weather you verbalize them or not. The questions I had nobody seemed to be able to even get on that level. I watched movies and documentary about different concepts about life... the secret, ancient aliens, 2012 stuff, outer space stuff, sept. 11 conspiracy stuff amongst other government conspiracies. The illumati ,astrology And looking into some of the earliest civillazations and why they don't exist any more. As well as religions before the ones we know today.

I know your wondering what do all those topics have to do with my faith and what I believe in. Well they all have something to do with the past. And I believe that we live in cycles. And that its okay to see what happened in the past too prepare for the future. Just don't dwell on the past.

Okay with saying all that I'll tell you what I believe in and I'm gonna say it how I say it, because I don't claim to know everything, and I don't expect you to throw away what you believe in to adapted my belief system. I don't criticize anything anyone believes in. Unless is obviously not true. But here it goes.

I don't believe the bible is all truth as it is written. I believe in certain parts. Just because there are accounts of things that happened globally in all cultures. So weather the account is true or not is the real question. But like I said I believe it as an account and not actual history as it is written. After ALL my research I don't believe god as we believe god to be exist. I believe that the accounts of god in the bibles and other writings were actual beings. Maybe aliens or people from the future or whatever. Just not God in the sense that he made everything and he knows all our thoughts and all we have to do is believe in him to be blessed or go to heaven. I don't believe in heaven or hell which means I don't believe in right or wrong. I don't think it matters what you do on this earth. Which doesn't make me wanna do bad things it just makes me not want to turn the other cheek as far as payback or revenge goes. I do believe in good and evil. I don't know what happens when you die. I believe in souls, I don't know if they're really eternal. I don't if reincarnation is what happens. I don't know what happens when we die nor do I have a concept. I believe in this whole big universe we are not alone. I believe the earth is older then we think and the ancient people were a lot smarter then we think they were. I mean they built the pyramids. And to tell you the truth that's not the most amazing thing they did. I think I covered all my belief system. I'm not a atheist because I don't even believe in the concept of an all knowing being. I do believe that we should be way more in touch with what's going on in the universe. I think that's it. If you have any question feel free to ask i'd love to discuss our beliefs